i wake up in camp every morning feeling irritated. i always ask myself why the heck i'm always awake so early. but following the subsequent routine activities like brushing of teeth and getting ready to face another day, i will feel a sort of difference i can never explain.
i have never felt that little compelling feeling before. you know the confabulation that NS is all dark and gloom? well, initially i belonged to that skeptical group, the group that shut out all the positives and emphasised all the negatives of NS. but doubling up as an instructor, motivator, consulter, friend, leader, listener and even a joker on top of being merely a superior to my recuits brought a LOT of benefits to me.
my recuits love me, they want to have fun with me, they want to train with me, they want to have everything to do with me. that translates into a good job well done for me. which makes me happy, yes. but most importantly, this is what NS has done for me -- giving me the platform for which i can perform dutifully and letting me recognise that i'm good for something after all. not in my 19 years have i had this kind of opportunity to do so. the fact that the organisation is a very substantial and important one shows that this is no fluke either. the moment i see my recuits i feel a sense of importance, like i'm me and not any other person that i wanted to be in the past. i feel like i am who i am for a reason. i no longer want to be that most popular guy in my studying life or the guy with all the cool sporting medals. i just wanna be me, the guy that led those under him through a phase of their lives.
