This Time

I'm gonna put my whole heart in.

So, If You Knew...

So, if you knew, I'm interested to know what you will do...

On crushed papers, these are hidden.

Pyramids

School is killing me,
I still want to live.
Wither, I'm going to.
But I'm holding on.

Hear the strident tone in my voice,
Pity me.
Don't hate me.
All the books,
built an inverted pyramid in my head.

Rocks,
piling up,
one by one.
With ruthless precision,
the weight,
unhinges the joy in me.

Need to reach,
the quintessential of calm.
Don't pull me apart.
I need you,
Help.
________________________________________________________________

Alyssa/________ (Song About You)

Recently, I had recursions of a dream
& I'm always awake with a smile
I realised it's because
I think of you, day and night.

It's always spring in my everything
it's always sunny in spring
it's always you in my sun
the smile, my everything.

The dreams & the sun
oh how all the sadness will run
it's just you, it's just you,
________.

I thought of what Alyssa said
that one should not think of
what is not possible.
That's why I'm thinking of you,
________.

It is the source
the truths & revelations
the bible that I live by
that if one day I die
Alyssa said
you are possible.
You are.

Bill Gates speech: 11 rules your kids did not and will not learn in school

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/note.php?note_id=152862328071768&id=150221854991848

still lookin'

yea, still lookin'. when i finally find you, i'll cherish you like crazy.

anyway i wonder what is the one thing you wouldn't change about me...

Hitler is asked "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Teenage Dream & Just the way you are - Acapella Cover - Katy Perry - Bru...

Inspiration Time

Doing 'logic' assignments at 2am in the morning and listening to emo chinese songs really does give one inspiration huh.

"My hands are cold. I can rub them together, go near a fire, or even simply get out of an air-conditioned area to warm them, but I will still not get the warmth i want. I need the warmth of someone's hand."

"My world is spinning only because I'm living and it has to. My head is spinning only because I'm still thinking too much of the person I will be with in the future."

"I go back to a place where the memories hurt, not to get hurt again, but to remind myself of things I shouldn't say or do in future relationships."

"I make myself nocturnal only because I've really nothing to do in the morning and I have an excuse to stay at home at night."

"My bed is a 'super-single' for a reason. The reason is NOT because my room is small."

"If I had you, I'll not have all these quotes in my head."

"If the previous statement is true, then it is also true that I want to have you."

"Therefore, I'm saying all these from the bottom of my heart, because I need you."

:)

Nights, world. Nights, logic.

I'm a PC and I'm 4 and a half, the latest cute Ads from Microsoft.

What a cute girl. :)

Achievements, Or The Lack Of It

Contrary to what the alpha males may think, I think I'll definitely cry my implanted contact lens out if I ever get tops in something I do. I really envy those people who have abundance of talent and flair. Achievements are the epitome of life, and sadly that's why my life is so, so poor. Come on, SJ, get up and do something. SJ FIGHTING!

Yes, yes, say it.

Yes, now you can tell me "I told you so". Say it, in my face. I'll swallow it, like a bitter pill, if that will make me feel better.

Lyrics Mash-up

So this is how it goes: I shuffled my itunes and took the lyrics from the first 5 even numbered songs, eg. 2nd,4th,6th,8th,10th, and made something out of them. Here's what came out of it...

Songs:

• Boys Don't Cry - The Cure
• Make Love In This Club - Usher
• Drop Out/The So Unknown - Jack's Mannequin
• Starlight - Muse
• Bold As Love - John Mayer

" I would say I'm sorry if I thought that it would change your mind. And I'll give you this confession,I am taking you with me. Yeah, I'm bold, I'm bold as love, yeah. I'm bold, I wanna make love in this club, yeah. Hold(ing) you in my arms, let's conspire to ignite. Our hopes and expectations, towering in shiny metallic purple armor. Let's both get undressed right here, & if we have lost control, we're drifting slow until we drop out (and) we won't wake up on Sunday. "

Wisdom

I just saw this from a television programme:

"
"

Video:

Conversation

if you don't mind, i'll be your eraser.

Photolog Of Lasik/ICL Surgery

Believe. I Believe.

I love the make-believe.
I believe in the make-believe.
I wanna be in the world of the make-believe.
I know what I believe is not make-believe, I really believe. Do you believe?

Can you try?
Do you mind?
Like the night, it's dark but nice.
Beautiful sights, even in normalcy.
you can dream, see the stars, hear the silence and make-believe.

Make-believe with me?
Find yourself with me?
Dream along with me?
Cross the aged line with me?

I can't turn on and off this feeling,
like the green and red of a traffic light.
Why can't it be just the red or green, forever?

They are lights but they are laws,
you can't help but to follow.
Now, his heart turned green from it's red from years ago.
Now, he's going.
No turning back.
No turning back.
Even though he knows all's just a dash.

Hey! I Found Treasure!

Albums
Truth Or Dare - Automatic Loveletter
Elephants... Teeth Sinking Into Heart - Rachael Yamagata
To The Sea - Jack Johnson
When The Flood Comes - The Audreys
A Season In Hell - October Falls
Songs To Love And Die By... - 8MM
Beneath These Fireworks - Matt Nathanson

Singles
By My Side - David Choi
Nothing - Charice
Your Smile's A Drug - Patrick Park
Small Things - The Audreys
You And Your Heart - Jack Johnson
The Deeper I Fall - Vaughan Penn
Bring On The Day - Vaughan Penn
I Can't Help Myself - Vaughan Penn
*Sidedish Friend - Rachael Yamagata
Your Love Is A Song - Switchfoot
Heartsong - Automatic Loveletter
Back To Life - Automatic Loveletter
My Goodbye - Automatic Loveletter


Enjoy!

Mambo

Mambo finally meant something to me.

Love, Truth and Honesty

"Never trust your own emotions
They'll always let you down
And the one that's closest to you
May not always be around"

"What a fool
That I should ever believe
In love, truth and honesty
All the time
You just keep on hurting me"

"Maybe everyone's a stranger
I watch them come and go
But I think everyone's in danger
If they let their feelings show"

What a classic! Woots. Now, people 'enjoying' yourselves, enjoy to the fullest! Sleepy people, have a good night's sleep! And lastly, as the saying goes, "temporary things will always be temporary until you make them permanent". Go to sleep I shall! Nights world!

Appreciation Day?

"Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary." - Margaret Cousins

I just received a mail from fb regarding my blog posts. I just wanna say I appreciate the affirmation a mountain lot. You just made my day! hahaha. thank you! you know who you are :)

What I Thought About, Pt. 1

//finding a place of sanctuary is a journey of misery.

//finding a place of misery is but a breeze.

//when the lights come in play, the heart will go astray.

//when the drinks come in play, the mind will go astray.

//dreams are never meant to be realised, they are just fantasies; wishes are different though.

//chance is something peculiar, by the time you think about it, it vanishes.

//love is the opposite of chance, no matter how hard you ignore it, it'll still stare you straight in the eye.

Do You Still Remember?

I'm damn tired now, but, if there's a time to blog, it's now. i don't know why. inspiration. a simple and totally fictitious story which has simple random things i wanna do but have never (or mayb i have) done before. Don't give a shit about the story, it's completely random and it's purely made up as a closet for all my lil ideas. :)


She stared at him, the coldest stare he has ever received. He knew immediately, that she was all shattered inside. He did not know what to say, but after being on the receiving end of her stare for a few seconds, snapped his gaze away to the puddle of muddy water beside where she stood. "Do you still remember, the times when we sat under the rainbow and rubbed our feet into the sand? Do you still remember, the times when we crushed those aluminum cans under our feet and laughed so innocently at the sound they made?" She said in a shaky voice that belonged to someone in despair. Her voice started to become calmer as she continued, "I bet you've forgotten all these after being with her, right?" "Do you two do these stuff together too? Huh, HUH??"

"No." He replied. "I have not forg-otten. I have not forgotten al-so, the times we created our own songs, and, and sang te-rribly off-tuned to them." He struggled to finish his sentences as he was choked with emotions. "I also remem-ber, the times, the times when I was really down, when I felt the, the world stopped turning, you told me, to be strong, with a really de-termined look in your eyes." He tried to bring himself together, and strung the following together in more fluent English, "You brought me to the highest point in this country, and told me your sufferings, and i remember we told ourselves to be strong together."

The girl, mascara tracing the track of her tears, saw the loving feeling in his eyes again. She added, "yes, and we wished under the stars at night, and gazed into each other's eyes as we told each other our wishes in our minds, do you remember?"

"I remember." The boy forced a smile. "I also remember that time when you stole my bag but told me that another guy stole it and you got it back for me, and when i opened my bag to check if everything was inside, I found a post-it note on a cd. i even remember what was written on it, "this is your medicine for the rainy and melancholic days, or when you feel alone or down. Love, you-know-who. :) ""

"Haha. Yea I remember that. You even thought that was from a secret admirer, you bastard." She replied. "Yea..." Remembering the reason for their meeting, she went back to attack mode, "then tell me, why is your heart not with me anymore?"

"I..." He got taken aback for awhile. "The girl I'm with now, she's a sweetheart. There was once, she appeared outside my house after I casually told her I was bored. I remember once you told me that you could not sleep so I cycled to your house to accompany you. But you just told me to go home as your family was asleep and you did not want to wake anyone up." He gave a fake smile and continued, "did I look so free to you at that time?"

"So this is why you're leaving me?"

"Yes."

"No, I don't believe it's this simple. After TWO years, this ONE SHIT changed your heart?!"

"So what answer do you want?"

"I want the one that's from your heart."

"Fine. Do you still remember when you told me you love me?"

"Yes."

"What were we doing then?"

"We were at this lake. the water was crystal clear and it was sparkling under the majestic sun, and, and the sky felt so, so transparent, and we told each other we believed unicorns existed in that place because of how magical it looked."

"But what were we doing?"

"We were resting beneath this oak tree if I'm not wrong. We were there, doing nothing but taking in the cool breeze that floated onto our faces."

"Do you remember I asked you if I became blind, will you still want me?"

"Yes, and I said yes!"

"Well, I asked you that because a close friend of mine had got into a car accident a few days back from that day, and she lost her sight. Somehow after she was discharged she bumped into you on the road but she recognised your voice instantly. She wanted to say hi but instead of helping her up you told her, "well, blind people have a license to bump into others, huh?" Right?"

"What makes her so sure it was me?"

"Her mum was beside her. Remember Chloe?"

Her jaw dropped upon hearing that. "Well...Well.."

"Well? Well, you've got your answer."

A Letter

Dear XXX,

As 'poppy' as "bad romance" is, it still connected to me in a really really strange way. "You know that I want you, And you know that I need you. I want a bad, bad romance". Nah, don't think that you know. But that's what I want, and need, even if it's a bad romance.

"I want your loving, and I want your revenge". Yes, as silly as this may sound, you can use me to take your revenge, as long you give me the loving feeling. I really don't mind.

I keep thinking of your smile, my sweet disease. You got me at "turn-your-head-and-smile-at-me". If you can't picture that, look. You turned your head and looked at me, not an ordinary kind of way. It was special. It was a moment, the kind of moments that instantly wins a competition. you smiled and that killed. Totally killed it. Your eyes, glossy and dreamy, fenced by those flirtatious pair of lashes, started its quest to haunt me. Signed, sealed, delivered. However, this was not it. You delivered sweetness, amiableness in a setting most would shrivel in. You showcased your personality to the highest degree, and it was a night full of moments that i would never ever forget.

I just want you to know all these, because you deserve it. You deserve all the praises that you get, and you deserve to feel good about yourself. And if one day something brings me closer to you, i may actually say it face-to-face to you, with no ulterior motives whatsoever. Because you made an impact in my life, and my only motive is for you to know that you are deserving of something better, because you're special.


Love,
me.

A Short Story

Inspired by my previous 2 posts, I'm going to write a short story relating to my life.


~
He downed the shot so mercilessly poured and shoved to him. With the top two buttons of his shirt unbuttoned and his painstakingly styled hair parted at the wrong place by now, he managed to grab hold of a chair and slammed himself down on it. That proved to be the last shot he took, as the dark atmosphere was getting darker and darker in his eyes.

It took 2 burly guys to carry him out of the bar. The guy on the left took him by the waist and put the drunkard's left arm around his shoulder. The other guy did the same with the drunkard's right arm. Walking in tandem, they managed to carry the guy, albeit with some considerable struggle, to a safer and quieter place.

They found themselves beside a small stream, so serene, so sparkling from the lights shone on it by the hundreds of lamps on both sides of it. It felt like a totally different world from the one they had been in a few minutes ago. There was no one else in sight, lest for one skinny guy, dressed up in the latest fashion and in nothing but black, sucking on his cigarette in the distance. Nothing felt more calm than this, especially after being in such a chaotic situation just minutes ago.

This was the kind of place one could think really clearly, and sort out any troubles one had. But for one, it was not as simple as that. The night looked pale as ever to him, the silence sounded so familiar. It's not hard to understand why as he's been listening to his own silence for years. He has bonded with the silence, dangerously close to becoming a synonymous entity to a description. "How could one live a life like I have lived the past few years?", he thought to himself. Involuntarily, a tiny drop of tear fell from his eye, sparkling in the same grandeur as the stream beside. His well of emotions became even fuller and inevitably the tiny drop of tear turned into a little, slow-flowing stream.

A sharp and loud sound of something toppling below him broke his train of thoughts. He jumped from the shock and swiftly wiped away his tears to prevent anyone from finding out what he had just done. He strained his neck over the steps he was sitting on to see what had caused the sound. The skinny guy from afar was now just metres away from him and he looked dazed. The skinny guy had toppled a recycling bin and dislodged the cover of the bin in the process. An acrid odor pierced through the night like a spear and raced into the nostrils of all that were present. The drunkard was still fast asleep. His two friends ironically felt like vomiting more than him. They hastily made their way for home, dragging their drunkard friend along.
~

I Actually Wrote This 2

-Solitude-

The chill wind blew, scattering petals of sakuras round the desolate school. The colourless sky looked like its gonna pour. A tiny figure stood in a corner, not any larger than his confidence. His spirit inside him looked down and out. There was no one beside him. He stood and felt alone. But is he?

Leaning against the grafitti-covered wall, he slumped into a pathetic state. Twirling in the wind, the sakuras completed the postwar-like landscape. Is he thinking too much? Is he trying to hard? So what if there's light on the other side? He don't have anyone to lead him there. He's still waiting for someone to lead him out from the melancholic state he's in. He harboured some hope, but at that very moment a brilliant streak of lightning struck the archaic tree. That's life for you.

The author speaks to himself...

I Actually Wrote This

I actually wrote this 5 yrs ago in one of my blog posts. I was a genius! hahaha

-Miracles-

The devil's glare shook him tremendously. All he could do was stare back. The humid, sulphur-smelling air did not make things better, as it put out most of the sun's rays, sarcastically leaving a few weak ones alone. The greyish atmosphere was bright just enough to see his face, his emotions. There he was, in the middle of nowhere, images flashing across his head. He knew he did something drastically wrong to be cursed to meet Devil himself, but what was it? The torture of ignorance was immortal.

The tract that he was in was unreachable. He felt the fear and desolation. Although he was quivering, he remained calm inside. He knew there was nothing he could do, or so he thought, and so this was to be his destiny then. Psyched up and ascertained, he walked towards his accursed fate. Devil was ready to engulf him in his hands. With every step he took, they became heavier. Memories of this cannot be erased by now as the imprints of his feet were moulded deeply into the mossy ground.

All he was to do was to take one last step. His heart was pulsating. In a distant he saw, trees begging him not to do it. Their morning dew, sparkling and all, dripped to the ground. Withered flowers appeared to be disappointed with his determination. If this was not what he wanted, then why do it?
Having second thoughts, he started flustering. Could he defy his destiny? Have he the powers to go against God?

He knew what he had to do. He called upon his inner strength. All he got was voices of his family, friends and relatives ringing in his head. All the encouragement, accompanied by some strong words was all he heard. Then there was, stillness all around. However, the insignificant boost was enough for him. He was enlightened.

From within he started to radiate. The sudden immense glow caught his pupils off guard, blinding him temporary. Regaining his eyesight moments later, he found himself leaning on the wall of the corridor outside his flat.
He was safe, although still a little shaken. He had just performed the highest level of magic, which can be simply called a miracle, albeit being rather insignificant to others.

The author speaks to himself...

Kill Me Now. Nevermind It Doesn't Make Any Difference.

Someone please tell me I'm a loser. Now.

I'm uncharacteristically wearing my heart on my sleeve. I'm just not gonna make anything right. So damn tired of trying to prove myself wrong. Just really weak, dear me, dear me... I'm documenting the worst part of my life, the period where I'm struggling with myself the most, where I can't accept myself the most. Seriously, this is not some teenage rumbling anymore... I'm 21. When am I gonna to get out of this mess?

Consternation

feels like i'm constantly guessing every minute now. why can't i get to sleep and stop thinking? this is so frustrating. maybe i shouldn't have sent it. so what does this mean now? shit i'm guessing again... heck i'd just spam all my worries here and go and sleep. hopefully morning will provide an answer. or do i even want an answer? what a useless guy i am...

what does this mean!?
do i even want an answer?
has it been read?
what's going through the recipient's mind after reading it?
did i do the right thing?
was i too blunt?
i editted it a million times but i still feel so insecure. wtf. useless guy. i'm just insecure..........