yesterday was 'Da Day'. first things first, it was my mum's birthday. but i had no time to write it in my blog, so i shall write 2dae. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM! *happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to youuu, happy birthday to you!!!!!* haha. Yea. Talk about how we celebrate Mum's birthday later.

in the wee hours of the morning(6.30am), that's when i woke up, had to rush and prepare 'cos i know i'm gonna be late. Yes! 6.30 in the morning and i will still be late! imagine that! and not to mentioned i had insomnia the day before and could only sleep at 3am. darn. partly because i had ALOT of thoughts to think about, and therefore i couldn't get to sleep. Luckily there was Christina, who called me up and made me pour out all my woes. We analysised and deciphered all my problems and i felt sooo much better after that. In turn, i helped her with hers. We den had casual chats and soon i laughed my way to tiredness. dat's when we stopped talking and went to sleep.

upon reaching sommerset mrt, i saw erfang who showed my where the gang was. den i went over to them and we waited for amanda and sz. then we proceeded to the wet and muddy tent-covered greens at the youth park. slacked there for about 1/2 an hour and then started our duties. we were to giv out leftlets la. first, calvell, the leader, gave us our duties and we went ahead with them. but because we're fatigued from lack of sleep, swezin, me, calvell n amanda decided to treat ourselves wiv pastamania 1st. haha. pastor ate lyk so messily, and amanda n calvell ordered so much. haha. the best was me and sz la.. ordered juz nice, ate neatly. haha. den swezin taught me table manners. now i know after you eat finish your utensils must be put side by side on your plate in a 12 o'clk position. HAHA! so paisei lo.. haha.

den we were separated into 2 groups. sz n me n pastor went orchard mrt dere. calvell n amanda went other place. sz n i were lyk kena daoed soo many times. felt sucky man. during break time we cldn't find vell n amanda so sz n i decided to go find them. we managed to find them and after a short rest, i remembered i had to find a t-shirt for my cousin's fren. so sz n i went up heeren find. we took too long and the rest went back first already. so we decided to hang aroung there longer. we cldn't find any nice ones, so we end up taking neos. we dint hav enuf time to decorate the pics though. but overall because there were sz n me, it turned out nice. haha.

had to leave to accompany my mum after that. was damn sad but some people had such a great time.. haiya.. nth to say la. ok my family n i went crystal jade to have dinner and den we went around j8 for shopping spree. spent lyk arnd 60 and my mum about 200. my bros together with 100 n my dad 20. super nice clothes i bought. Mum was over-the-moon because i helped her chose some clothes and its the first time in a very long time that my family went out together so happily. Mum was also delighted dat i could take time off to accompany her and i was really happy dat she's so happy on her bdae. Wish she could be this happy 4ever. hyaiz..

went home and had icecream cake. it was oh so YUMMY. after dat had a cold bath and went to lalaland. cldnt stand it. cldnt even stand properly cos i'm so tired. my muscles ached like shit. den today there will b another bdae celebration. its my grandma's bdae today!!! *HAPPY BDAE AHMA!!**MUACKS* although she wun go online to see this. haha. ok gotta go celebrate ahma's bdae le...

Footnote: to that someone special: Time will tell if we can compromise and last, but i still love you no matter what. 'cos you know you are my only one, there's no conflict large enuf, to be able to break us up. 831.

....end....

i can be loving every single day, but inside, deep inside, i really hate myself. the direction is just not clear. bloody hell. i really fukin' hate myself; for feeling this way. but i think i thought it through, i really hope its this way.

wanted to say and do so many things, but the restrictions are there. its alright man. i came into this world with many restrictions, so i'll leave this world restricted still. i really am a large critisizer, of myself.

just wanting to thank a special someone, who always gives me advice on this and that. Christina, thank you. i'm so glad that i always have you to lead me to the right way when i always am lost. This whole thing(u know wad i mean) have been so smooth because of you. Yes, you've been a great comforter, a great friend. Though i never met you for long, u're some1 who i really trust FULLY, besides another one, my swezin. haha. anyway, thank you. i'm so glad i've this 'meix'. haha.

to my swezin, so rare in cyberspace, therefore i tink you will not see this, but i still have to say, deep inside, i really dont know why, but you're the only one who can make me feel that special way. the moon dont really shine, its the sun that makes it happen. you're my sun, you make me shine. without my sun, i'll be hidden and i'll be just an exsistance to fill this world. See your importance in my life? haha. i really hope there's really such thing as forever, ya? and... 831!!

another day has passed.. 3 more days to O'lvl results!!! Fukin' scared... and i still dont know where to go! should i have a poll to decide which institution of study should i go? haha! when my luck is good no big events like this happens.. just when my luck sucks rite now this stupid collection thingy comes up. damn! just hope that all those prayers work.

oh mentioning 'bout bad luck. my new e398 hp is freakishly spoilt the 2nd day i bought it. and the new set is out of stock. i've to wait like 3 weeks to get my new fone back. its going to be hell for me man. i've also lost many many contacts 'cos i din't transfer many to my simcard. why must this happen to me... maybe i shall try changing the position of my bed...

oh listen to tong hua by guang liang. great song. greater mtv. moving yet subtle. the lead actress in the mtv looks good too. :)

...EnD...

Love is so fragile.. Life is one word, unfair.


I'm living a life of emptiness.. Aye.. Just putting my life to waste.. No job. No money. What can i possibly do.


Just listen to the song. Its nice. Amazed...

...End...

Valentines' Day is filled with just 4 letters: c.r.a.p. It has been so and it still is. Enough of it.

This week so far has been extremely boring for me. If the boredom goes over the edge i'll become hysterical i tell you. Every day seems like the same day to me.

At least i went out today, but still, it sucks. WHat fun is going around orchard window shopping and having no money in your wallet? i brought $16 out but in the end $5 went to food, $2 for transport, $8 to pay back loanfishes and $1 went somewhere. And to think there's only $5 left in my cashcard. I'vE nO mOney and No jOB!! And O'lvl results is coming out SOON. Omg.. this suck man..

And i'm ordered to eat all the remaining CNY 'goodies'. Goodies indeed... Imma gonna get fat and 'pimplely' man.. simply imagining eating all the heaty food and sweets.

Oh and i've been having 'curry chup cai' for the past 2 days and i guess today too. Argh. i'm freaking sick of it! Yucks. There's this big pot of curry dat's left over from sunday's gathering.. and i gotta finish it. yea, me again... u call this life? bleh.. ok gotta go make a slave outta myself again. updating soon.

firstly, i would like to thank you for taking time off ur busy schedule to come visit my blog. Secondly, i would like to wish all a Happy Chinese New Year.

this new year week is a very busy week. on the front note i went visiting and stuff, collecting angbaos and all the other stuff Chinese do on cny. it was supposed to be fun, eating all the sweet tidbits and junk, collecting cash in red paper, legal gambling, meeting up with distant relatives, dressing up in red all the time, etc. Yea, all this was supposed to be fun. But Hey! i don't feel the cny atmosphere this year man. All the above mentioned don't seem to be able to portray this grandeur Chinese festival. The new year feeling did not ooze out from anyone. if people are not wearing red, i'll think that it's just another house-warming man! how could this happen? it's all because of one thing. One thing that only exsists in my eyes. That is the absence of some people. The absence of 'blackjack'. The absence of proper planning. I remember the days when my grandma was still living in Bedok Reservoir. Everything was well-planned. On 1 day, every1, big or small, made an effort to go down to my grandma's place to celebrate cny together. When every1 was there, the atmosphere become so Shiok i tell you. You can hear all the chattering, laughing, and the children running about. Den when it comes to gambling time every1 will sit around that nice, polished woodgrain oval table and start taking their cash out. It was just so fun. This time around, many people are busy with their own lives. Not many people could sacrifice this type of time anymore. Yes, how sad it is... hyaiz..

I read my horoscope for this year, and it bodes well. I couldn't have wished for a better prediction for this year. However, how often are these predictions true? Many said you'll be rich but you still see many charities out there asking for money to help the poor and handicap. Can you still believe the horoscopes? My horoscope says this year will be a smooth-sailing year for me, but hey! i've already encountered major problems here! i mean, com'on, if the predictions are correct, i can just go out there and buy a lottery ticket and i'll be rich my whole life man. Speaking of problems, problems are a menace. They kill your time and energy. Money problems can kill relationships. Love problems can end a life. What good are problems? If i could make 1 wish come true, i would wish that all my loved ones including me are problem-free and all live happily. But i know this won't come true, haha, unless my horoscope is so 'zhun' as it said almost everything i do will go smoothly. Dots.

I could try to make things easier for everyone, but it will not be fair to someone. So i've decided to let things remain status quo, and let that problem dissolve by itself, i hope. For the time-being, HAPPY CNY TO EVERY ONE AGAIN AND ENJOY YOUR NEW YEAR! TO ALL LOVEBIRDS OUT THERE HAPPY VALENTINES! TO MY MUM AND DAD, as if they will see this, HAPPY VALENTINES TOO!

To everybody coming to my house on sunday, take care and see you soon!

MY CURRENT MOST WISHED-FOR WISH: making every single situation simple no matter how big or small; to live without worrying; to live without being puzzled; to claify all conflicts and stuff; and to live in happiness without any qualms. =)

Actually i've always wished for this. just that it's more needed now.

sentosa outing today. It was hell of a time i tell u. a very special day, engraved in my history. the things i always cld only dream about happened on this fateful day. really exhilarated.

in the morning, went out to meet vell to help him exchange his shoes that were over-sized. rushed to meet my friend after that. Rushed again after that, this time to meet amanda and swe zin to go to harbourfront mrt together. were an hour late(SO SORRY!!), damn pai sei.. let girl wait for me. ok then we rushed to meet the rest of the gang at hf mrt.

Upon reaching, we only saw (i roughly remember)ryan, gary and some1 else i think. Was very disappointed, 'cos if we had known, we wouldn't rush. haha. after everyone arrived we proceeded to palawan beach.

If you din't know, it was actually a day planned to celebrate Ivy's bdae, who belongs in our group. pastor and the rest brought food and cake, while the others contributed to Ivy's present. ok the fun part begins. amanda, swe zin n i were wanting to get away from the hustle and bustle,so we 3 went on a stroll together, along the beach that is. It was very nice and we took some photos. Soon after that we went back to the group and had our lunch and played some lame but fun games. After that we 3 went back to beach-strolling. The wind was very kind, patting lightly on our faces. The waves were calm yet strong, like qigong u know? soft strokes but powerful force. yea that's what the waves like. VERY NICE. its was very romantic, like a scene taken from a movie, only that we have 3 leads. haha.

Did many other activities till it was like evening. Yea i finally sang my own song with REAL music. Tired and drenched with sea water and sweat, i decided to go bathe. found out that the bathroom in palawan beach is SOOO much better than the ones in soloso beach. nt kidding. It was privacy, comfort, spacious all into 1. Walked out of the toilet to find out that lynette and swezin couldnt recognise me. DoTs! i oni finger-combed my hair back wad.. leddat cannot recognise liao.. ok den it was all talking and resting after that. Had chats with quite a number of ppl. enlightened about many things.

The highlight of the evening was something special. It is really very special, something that i will treasure all my life. The only down side to it was that it was inpromptu and i did not plan it properly and i ended up making a mini-fool out of myself. However, what i did put the message across and yea, it was a beautiful ending. =)

Around 1045 i reached home to find out that there's no food left for me! Not to mention I HAVENT EAT MY DINNER YET! hello?! Never save food for me?! haha, nvm. i put my superior survivial skills to good use: i made my own pizza. That was the type u buy from supermarkets and just defroze it that type. get it? haha. yea after eating i came to meddle with my blog and upload all the photos into my com. n this is my day today.

Boring boring! Work has been sucky for the past few days. Night shift is taking its toll on me.. i practically have to drag myself to work and crawl my way back home. NIGHT SHIFT can be translated as: ONE OF THE MOST SCARIEST AND DEMONIC TORTURE PLANS EVER TO GRACE EARTH. Yes, its abit too drama, but that's how i feel man.. My day is being based on 2 things now. WORK and SLEEP. damn no life. so i shall start damning.
damn life, damn work, damn low pay, damn night shift, damn freakish sucky dinners, damn the stupid old machines that make all the freaky sounds, damn the stupid laminating machine(i always knock into it), damn mostly everything else. BUT, my colleagues and friends are spared. They are the ones that make me carry on. My phone beeps and thats cool, my friends joke and laugh and thats cool too. They bring potato chips to eat, that's damn cool too. And lastly, luckily i've a kind supervisor man. I slept on my job yesterday but my supervisor just tapped me to wake me up, thats all. Simply put, he's good. haha. Right. after all my damning and praising, i've to get ready for work again. this reflects about my life. argh. hate it. ok thats all.


btw, the post before this, if you've nt read it, go do so. haha.

I've always wanted to write something like this... MY STORY



I've found new life, new breath, new signs, new inspirations. so many times these things happen. so many times i fail. so many times i pick myself up, this time its redundant. i'm nt falling anymore, 'cos i've tried my best, all in all. i made the wrong decision, i remedied it. now i'm living in bliss, but at the expense of some things. no i can't be selfish, i can't take all this for myself, but who am i to decide? this thing is so true, so mighty, not even the gods can forbid.

how can i give up on this? i've thrown it away once, but it returned to me, maybe heaven has taken pity, maybe its just me. 'cos i'm doing everything behind the scenes, everything i thought of has happened. not a korean drama, not a westernised one either, its just an original, the one i directed.

in this drama i tried to be giving, i tried to salvage, i tried to enclose myself, into a world of fallacy. but in that world, i couldn't live, i couldn't even breathe. i've no directions, i've no insipration. I've no light in my life, i've no happy moment.

Till that day, when things look worst, i was pulled back into reality, by the hands of an angel. her seraphic looks dawned on me, the gentle soothening glare engulfed me. she talked to me. i thought time was immortalised, where everything was a standstill, i couldn't believe what i hear, i couldn't have expected a better ending.

now that i'm back into reality, i will never plunge myself into that dark abyss ever again, i'll cherish this chance, i'll make it happen. never mind evils pulling me back, tugging on my collar. i'll do anything i can, to make this DREAM COME TRUE.
And this is my story.

-shijie [1.4.3.7.9]